


Fear

by Do_not_careissa



Series: JayKyle Week 2020 [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics)
Genre: Discord: JayKyle Week 2020, Jason Todd Has Issues, JayKyle Week (DCU), Lantern Jason, Lost Days took a turn, M/M, No one knows Jason is alive, Protective Kyle Rayner, Resurrected Jason Todd, Yellow Lantern Jason Todd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26789263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Do_not_careissa/pseuds/Do_not_careissa
Summary: He entered those green waters remembering nothing but pain. But when those waters pulled him down, when they coated his vision in green, when the memories came back in a rush, something else came with them: fear.
Relationships: Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd
Series: JayKyle Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953484
Comments: 9
Kudos: 187





	Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day one of JayKyle Week 2020 Lantern Jason

He couldn’t remember much.

To be honest, he couldn’t remember anything at all. Not words anyway. No, words were meaningless, just sounds people emitted towards him as though he was meant to understand. He couldn’t remember words.

But he remembered pain.

Pain from what, he didn’t know. Sometimes it would come from his head, other times his side, his back, his hands. There were times when it hit his ankles, his knees, and a sound of his own would escape his lips, sometimes loud and shrill, sometimes quiet and scratching its way up his throat.

He didn’t remember words or names or faces, but for some reason when the woman with the long hair and the strange sounding words came, he felt  _ something _ . When she took his hand and said a word, said “Jason” there was something there, a spark.

But he couldn’t recognize what it was, and the spark fizzled out.

The pain subsided the longer the woman stayed with him, but it was always there, watching, waiting. Why? He didn’t know, and he couldn’t fathom what he could have done to deserve this.

His mind was empty, empty save for the pain.

Then one day the woman said another name, “Bruce,” and a different sort of pain emerged. Something was in his eyes, something wet and  _ burning _ .

The new pain, and the new word, drifted away, leaving him once more alone in this empty void, with only his body and his pain as companions.

There was nothing for him, no answers, no help. There was no line to grab onto, no hand to hold. He was alone here.

Then came the waters, that horrid, terrifying  _ green _ filling his vision, his nose, his mouth, sucking him down down down until green was all he could comprehend. Then the memories came back, the swinging of a crowbar, the sick, high pitched laughter, the smoke from a cigarette, the assurance of safety, a black figure driving into the distance, away, never to be seen again.

His memories came rushing back in a nauseous swirl of green.

And with them came  _ the fear _ .

* * *

By the time Earth birthed its first Yellow Lantern there was not a soul left to seek it out. Hal Jordan was no more, in his place the monster known as Parallax. John Stewart, no longer a Green Lantern, was now a Darkstar alongside his fellow former Lanterns. And Guy Gardner, once Green Lantern, now wore the moniker of Warrior. There was no Green Lantern Corps to search out this new child of fear, its members reduced to little more than dust and corpses. There came one, the Torch Bearer, but he had no knowledge of other corps, let alone what could be done about them.

As such, Earth’s green and yellow light remained separated, distanced. In a sad turn of events, it seemed as though the universe wanted to keep them apart, to ensure they could never be more than their individual pieces.

The universe seemed to fear their union, feared what they could do, what they could become. But that fear only had so much sway, and its ability to keep them apart dwindled day by day, until there was nothing left, and the yellow and green lights of Earth finally collided.

* * *

Their fateful meeting did not happen until years later, until memories of his tests and trials left the forefront of his mind, until the nightmares filled with laughter and smoke ceased. Fear did not control him any longer, no he controlled it.

But somehow having that aura of green enter his vision, take it over, sent a jolt up his spine. Memories of green waters, of  _ pain _ and  _ anguish _ and  _ terror _ burrowed into his skull before he forced them aside in favor or fending off the green, of keeping the light away.

He recognized the light, knew it from years past. He knew it from when he was a child, so full of life and intrigue and joy, when he finally got to meet his heroes in all their colorful glory. He knew this light, recognized it for what it was.

But this wasn’t Hal Jordan, and it certainly wasn’t John Stewart or Guy Gardner. Then who?

A man, slim, fair skinned with a tan, black hair, and a west coast accent stood before him. A mask obscured his eyes and nose, limiting his ability to memorize the new face, but he saw enough. At least he hoped so.

It’d be a shame if the rest of his face didn’t match those beautiful lips.

He let the other push him into a wall, watched as he demanded that his presence be explained. It was cute, this macho man act. If it weren’t for their difference in size he was sure he’d be concerned, perhaps even afraid. As it was, he was more amused than anything. 

Was this really the fourth Earth Lantern that Thaal was so concerned about? He was practically an overgrown kitten.

So he answered his questions, because what else was there for him to do? It’s not like he had friends, a family. No, that all ended in a warehouse some five years ago. That all ended when his broken body was lowered into the ground, when his murderer wasn’t lowered as well. It ended when his fears came to light, when his father showed the world that he  _ hadn’t _ been good enough, that he  _ was _ disposable, that he  _ could _ be forgotten in a matter of days.

It ended when he entered a sea of green, and came out coated in yellow.

Impossible the Green Lantern claimed of his answer. Yellow Lanterns didn’t defect, they didn’t turn from Sinestro’s orders. They were killed before they were given the chance. Not that any ever wanted to.

Well, he’d never met a Yellow Lantern like him, now had he?

The other’s interest was piqued, and with it came a whole new type of thrill as the man's eyes darkened and his hand reached out.

It had been years since he’d had any real human interactions, since he saw anything other than sadistic smiles and glee filled yellow eyes. This Green Lantern, this Kyle, he was everything he’d been missing, everything and more.

He didn’t give him his full name, paranoia still alive and well in his heart. That didn’t stop him from falling into the other’s bed soon after, to relish in his name falling from those gorgeous lips, to seeing the passion in those beautiful eyes when they looked at him. He knew he shouldn’t, knew it’d be a bad idea to let himself get too close, too invested in this man. But this was the first time he’d felt something so good, so nice and pure and amazing. It was the first time in years, if not in his life. The way Kyle would trace his scars, falsely believing them to simply be a result of the Sinestro Corps’ fear trials, his fingers and lips and tongue tracing the largest scar of them all, somehow not quite realizing what that large Y meant. 

It was all so good, everything he could want. And that was the problem wasn’t it?

The longer their escapades went on for the more concerned and fearful he became. One day Kyle would learn the truth, one day he would leave him. So he did the only thing he knew how in that sort of situation.

He left first.

* * *

Fear was a great motivator, Kyle knew that all too well.

Which is why it hurt so much to find his bed empty that morning.

He’d brushed his companion’s absence aside, convincing himself that it was nothing. Then days went by, and those days turned into weeks, and that fear gnawing at the back of his mind only got worse. Jason was never gone this long, not since they’d begun their little secret affair. 

He didn’t know what else to call it, this thing they were doing. He wanted something more, saw the possibility of it every time Jason started talking about his interests, about the things he loved. Even after spending months surrounded by the monsters of the Sinestro Corps, his eyes would still light up at the offer of a book, and he practically pounced on Kyle at the presentation of Broadway tickets.

They did so many things outside of just sleeping and fucking and kissing and by god he loved every second of it. But he had no way of knowing if Jason felt the same way.

A voice in the back of his mind screamed at him that he could just ask, but no, he argued, he couldn’t. Jason was  _ different _ , you couldn’t just ask him that sort of thing, he’d clam up and then Kyle would have no chance of knowing how he felt. Words were important, yes, but sometimes action needed to take priority.

So he willed up the courage to find him, to search for the man that had captured his attention so thoroughly. The man that had dug his way into Kyle’s heart, that’s who he needed to find.

The others weren’t any help, having never seen him. Kyle didn’t even have a picture of Jason, just a few sketches that had left Hal chewing on his lip and staring off in thought. The older man hadn’t elaborated, and Kyle was fine to leave it at that. It was no secret the things Hal had done with Sinestro, the things some people believed he still did. He was probably just concerned about Kyle sleeping with one of Sinestro’s men, traitor or not, that’s all.

He finally found him sometime later, a few glaxies over and surrounded by the unconscious forms of other Yellow Lanterns. He’d told Kyle the attempts on his life had ended months ago, that Sinestro and his men had given up on bringing him back into the fold. So why did it look like there’d been a struggle? Was that a lie?

If he was willing to lie about that, what else could he lie about?

Jason’s greeting was cold, almost as though he was trying to separate himself from the man Kyle knew. It broke his heart, and he almost gave up right then and there. But he couldn’t, not now, not yet.

Jason sighed, his mask dissolving to reveal his distorted yellow and black eyes as they looked up at Kyle, exhausted. “Why are you here Kyle?” he asked, pleaded, a hint of pain in his voice.

It didn’t escape Kyle’s notice that the swords Jason had constructed were still held in his hands, the yellow light still dripping with the blood of his attackers. It didn’t escape him how his grip tightened when Kyle got closer.

In a moment of thoughtless desperation Kyle blurted out, “I love you.” His eyes never strayed from Jason, urging him to understand. He was going to do this one way or another. Whatever he and Jason had, they deserved to try, to continue and see it through. It had taken a while for him to finally accept it, to realize that’s what was going on, but he managed. He and Jason, they fit together, completed each other in some way. They weren’t the opposite sides of the same coin, but they were close enough.

A harsh bark of laughter pierced the air, the pain in Jason’s voice traveling up to spread across his face. “Love me? You don’t even know me,” he claimed, voice rising to hysterics.

Kyle almost lost his resolve, the look of hurt and terror something he never hoped to see again. “But what if I want to?” he demanded, closing the distance between them. He ignored the sword Jason raised to him, fought through the panic he saw trying to take over Jason’s face. “I know how you like your eggs, that you’ll always choose tea over coffee. I know you prefer sleeping on your right side with your back to a wall, even if it means I’m pushed against your chest. I know you’re amazing and smart and so many things I can’t say. I know some of you Jason, but I want to know all of you.”

“No, you don’t.”

The voice was chilled, lifeless, and his eyes stared ahead yet seemed to stare at nothing at all. He looked so lost standing there, but also unwilling, too afraid to search for the way home. 

Kyle took his hand, the construct sword fading away as he bowed down to it, kissing each finger, each knuckle, kissing the ring that had brought them together. “Yes I do,” he whispered.

There was a light in Jason’s eyes, a fear that Kyle only realized now had been growing for the last few months. He brushed his fingers over the side of Jason’s face, down his cheek, to cup his jaw. For a moment Kyle thought he’d overestimated his abilities here, that he’d misread Jason, but then Jason was pressing against him, his hands wrapping around Kyle’s waist as he kissed him long and slow, and Kyle let himself get lost in everything that was Jason. 

Kyle wanted to know everything, that’s what he said and that’s what he meant. No matter how big or small, happy or sad, he wanted everything. So Jason gave it to him, all of it.

They spent hours on that moon, then hours floating through space on their way back to Earth, just talking. Kyle refused to let go of his hand, squeezing it tight in a show of reassurance as Jason recounted his life, who he was  _ before _ , who he was now. Things finally began to click into place for Kyle, things that hadn’t felt quite right before. How Jason knew so much despite being in space for so long, where his knowledge of the Justice League and the Green Lanterns came from, how he knew what cities and streets to avoid, why Hal had that look on his face when he’d seen the sketches of him. 

And then it answered other questions, ones he’d never wanted answered.

Whatever happened to the second Robin? How stupid did you have to be to run after a supervillain on your own as a child? Why were the Bats so intent on keeping a shrine to him when all they ever did was talk shit? 

He got the answers, and he hated all of them. But mostly he hated the people who’d put him in the position that they had to be answered. He hated Bruce for not showing his son the love he deserved, he hated Barbara and Dick for pushing him away, hated Sheila for sending him to his death, hated the Joker with every fiber of his being. 

He clenched his fists, green light growing around them as he resolved to deal with this, to make it right, but Jason grabbed his hands and shook his head. They weren’t worth it, none of them were. 

He’d thought of revenge, Jason confessed, thought of making Bruce prove his love, prove that Jason mattered to him. But he’d given up those plans, knew they were useless, irrelevant. Whether he mattered to them or not didn’t change anything. It had been nearly six years since he’d set eyes on Bruce, since he’d heard his voice. Six years since Jason mattered. 

It was for the best if it stayed that way, Jason urged. Bruce had built up a family in those years, growing from just Bruce, Alfred, and Dick, to another three sons and a daughter, as well as Barbara and the blonde batgirl. They didn’t need Jason, if anything he’d just complicate things. It was better if he remained a memory.

“So you’re what, my dirty little  _ secret _ ?” Kyle demanded.

Jason gave a small, sad smile. “I guess I am, aren’t I?” 

“You seriously want this? To stay as some, some, forgotten, fucked up sidekick? That’s not you Jason, that’s a lie. You can’t expect me to just go along with it, please,” he pleaded.

Jason held his face, stroked his cheeks lovingly. “There’s only one person that matters to me, and that’s you Kyle. I don’t, and they sure as hell don’t either.”

“But you  _ do _ .”

Jason chewed his lips, that fear still floating around in his eyes, screaming at Kyle to get away, to just leave already. But Kyle couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Never. 

“Show me,” Jason whispered. “If I matter so much, then show me.” 

Kyle nodded, his hands moving towards Jason’s hips. They were almost home, just a little further and he’d prove it to him as many times as he needed. He pushed down the neck of Jason’s suit, watched as the fabric fade away, allowing him to latch onto the skin there. Jason keened about him, arching into him, clutching his back tightly. He pulled back and took a good look at his work before looking back up to Jason’s lust filled eyes. “Anything for you love. Anything.”

Anything to keep that fear away.

**Author's Note:**

> Just realized this might count for the other prompt for today, secret relationship. Honestly didn't mean to do that but hey who's complaining? I'll have another fic for JayKyle week on day three (and it's the long one too).  
> For anyone interested, I'm on tumblr [ do_not_careissa ](https://do-not-careissa.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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